Change of plans

29.Jul.2017

Yesterday pretty much put me into a deep funk. I can look at the day and write it off as 'working at the edges of my ability so a bad day is expected' but, when I analyze more deeply, I'm left with a sense that I have some basic problems that are unlikely to get better.

1. 177 landings and I still have no clue how close my wheels are to the ground when I do the final nose up to touchdown.
2. 177 landings, most with some cross-wind component, and I can almost never see that I'm drifting across the runway.
3. 177 landings and I still have a ton of difficulty knowing when to round out and flare.
4. 40.2 hours in and I have 2.6 solo hours (out of a required 5) and I've only been solo in the practice area once. My first solo cross country was canceled because I was having problems landing. Either Rick is forgetting I need more solo hours or my overall flying ability is still suspect. I'd tend toward the latter than the former since Rick isn't a forgetful kind of guy.
5. If there is any kind of traffic in the pattern, I have immense difficulty keeping up with what's there and where it is. 
6. Listening to the radio is a crap shoot. When I'm concentrating on flying and someone speaks on the radio, it takes a measurable amount of time for me to disengage from whatever I'm doing and engage with the radio and, by then, the conversation is over. I have no clue if they were from my current airport or not and, if I did catch that there were local, what the hell they said.
7. My scanning is horrid. Yesterday while in the pattern a plane flew right in front of us and Rick had to point it out.
8. Communication for non-standard situations is confusing; when to call who and what to say. This was especially evident yesterday with all the traffic in the pattern. Rick had to take over for me so we didn't get into trouble.
9. Getting into the pattern. If I'm approaching an airport from any direction but south, doing the mental gymnastics to figure out how to get into the correct pattern for the correct runway is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube while blindfolded and someone is blaring nonsense words into your ear.
10. Memorization. I have to memorize one paragraph related to each of the airplane's systems. Two typed pages, pretty simple. I once memorized 'The Jabberwocky' which was nonsense so how hard could it be to memorize a short description of the systems? Turns out, pretty hard. 10 hours at least trying to get them down and I still don't have them. Add to this all the other weather, physics, navigation, communications, and...and...and stuff for both the written and oral test and I'm at a loss of how to proceed.

My unprofessional diagnosis is that my brain capacity is diminished both from age and, possibly, from my concussion. My ability to multi-task has decreased and I'm having immense difficulty finding a way to get the most important task at hand into my fore-brain. I am almost always behind the plane and feel the need to pull over, part, and draw out 'what to do next' which turns out to be something you can't actually do in an airplane.

This could all be normal but I don't feel like I'm in the center of the bell curve on this. With the check-ride scheduled for 6 weeks out, I don't see how I'll get to proficiency in that time.

So...decisions:

• I'm going to call myself 'unsafe' for Monday's flight and do a 'Come to Jesus no crap how am I doing' session with Rick instead. I want him to provide me a frank assessment of where I stand and what he sees as a likely progression for me.
• I'm definitely going to cancel the check-ride. If a failed test just affected me, I might go for it; after all, it's just money. BUT, if I fail it affects Rick's CFI rating and I'm not willing to put his rating at risk. Yeah, I know, he only needs to maintain an 80% first pass and he's at 100% for the last year so my fail wouldn't really harm him but, still, it's the principle of the thing.
• If my conversation with Rick on Monday ends with an assessment that I am way way behind the bell curve, then I'll probably pull the plug on the whole project.
• If it turns out I'm lagging but he's seen worse, I'll keep with it but not schedule the check-ride until I am confident that I can pass without any issue.
• If it turns out that I'm dead middle or ahead of the curve (ha...fat chance), I'm still canceling the check-ride as I see no path to get to a passing grade on the recall stuff by then.

I'll post the results after Monday's session.